The main source of my chaos...

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Revisiting my 2012 resolutions

I'm revisiting my 2012 resolutions to see how I did... I'll post my current comments in RED. 

Originally posted on - Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Amy's 2012 resolutions

Okay, here goes. My resolutions for 2012. I probably shouldn’t call these “resolutions”. It’s more like my “to-do” list for 2012. Resolution is such a serious word. Oh wow, I looked it up and it means “oath, promise or vow”. Scratch that. These are my PERSONAL GOALS for 2012.

(1) I’m no Rachael Ray or anything, but I think my cooking skills have improved in the last few years. (You’re probably thinking about the Yuri and Gigi cookie/smoke story but that’s not really indicative of my true skills). I don’t particularly LOVE it, but I don’t hate it either, and I think what I cook usually taste somewhere between good and pretty good. What bothers me is cooking the same old stuff over and over and over. So, my goal for 2012 is to try a new recipe once a month.  I actually did pretty well with this resolution.  I don't know that I tried a new recipe EVERY month, but I tried several.  I love, love, love my Paula Deen cookbook and have tried quite a few recipes from it.   

(2) I want to spend more time with my friends. I want to do lunch with the girlfriends. I never do this, and I really want to. Some of y’all need to invite me though. I don’t want to plan it, I just want to show up.  Okay, friends, back me up on this.  Did any of y'all have lunch with me a SINGLE time?  That's what I thought.  I totally failed on this one. 

(3) I want to keep my laundry caught up. Seriously. You have no idea how much I want this. Impossible.  I was stupid for even putting this on my list.

(4) This is a big one. And it’s almost as unrealistic as keeping my laundry caught up. I want to run in a 5K. Even back in the 80s when I was athletic and somewhat in shape, I couldn’t run. I see people who run in 5Ks and it blows my mind. If they can do it, surely I can. Right? We’ll see. I don’t have aspirations to be a lifetime runner, and believe me, I will not get “addicted”. I want to slap people who say they get addicted to exercise. Puh-leeze. I just want to do it so I can brag about it and see my name in tiny print in the newspaper. I’ve already got a stitch in my side from just thinking about it. Ummm...No.

(5) I want to sit through an entire high school basketball game and not think to myself (or worse – yell out loud) that the ref is an idiot. There seriously ought to be some kind of IQ test for these people. Gosh, my bad. The goal is to change MYSELF. There’s nothing I can do about the officials. Can’t fix stupid.   I did this!  You would be suprised how much easier it is to sit calmly through a basketball game when you don't have a kid playing.  Since Haley Rae graduated, I'm quite the well-behaved fan. 

(6) I want to beat Willard at “Words With Friends”. We just discovered this game a few days ago and it’s so much fun. The only problem is that I hate to lose. HATE. TO. LOSE. And he has beaten me every single time. He’s not a graceful winner either. I had already gone to bed the other night when my cell phone rang. It was a Willard from DOWNSTAIRS. As in, calling me from the den. At midnight!!! He said, “Boo ya! You might as well go ahead and resign. I just got 102 points off one word!!” I would like to say that I rolled back over and went back to sleep, thinking how immature he was. But no. I stared at my phone until my eyes crossed trying to come up with a good word. Ugh.  I so totally would have accomplished this if Willard hadn't got SKEERED and deleted his WWF app.  I downloaded it again for him but he says "it's boring" and he won't play.  Right, buddy.  You knew I was coming for you.  Run away, run away. 

(7) And I want to blog more. I don’t even realize I have anything to say until I start typing, and then the words just start coming. It’s quite therapeutic actually. And cheaper than a counselor. I believe I was successful at this.  I blogged more in 2012 than I did in 2011 for sure. 

Well, there you go. My goals for 2012. Notice that I didn’t mention the old cliché of losing weight. I figure if I train for a 5K, I’ll lose weight. And if I seriously do keep my laundry caught up, I will have to wash/fold/put away clothes pretty much 24/7 so there won’t be time to eat. Either way, I should shed a few pounds.  Since I failed on the laundry resolution AND the 5K resolution, you can only imagine what happened with my weight.  Ugh. 

I'm still trying to decide if I will post 2013 resolutions or not.  I'm kinda depressed reading these from last year!

How do you think I did?  Grade me!  C+?


Thursday, December 27, 2012's a wrap!

Christmas is over.  I know that makes a lot of people sad, but I'm not one of them.  I like my normal somewhat normal chaotic life, but throw in the craziness of Christmas and WHEW!
We did have a good Christmas, and so I thought I would share some pictures.

There really wasn't room to spread everything out all pretty, so it looks like Santa just dumped it.


Yuri and Gigi got tons of good stuff... including a trampoline, razor hot wheel thingys, baby dolls, etc.  Their favorite thing?


Karlie pretty much picked out all her presents, so she didn't have many surprises.  She liked all her stuff, but she also liked Yuri and Gigi's stuff.

Hunter's favorite thing....

Yes, it's a Dale Earnhardt Sr. bowling ball.  If he's really going to make it to the PBA, he needs all the help he can get.  At least the other bowlers will be intimidated.  Get it?  INTIMIDATED!

Haley Rae's favorite thing... An electric blanket for her bed.  I'm so jealous.  Willard outlawed them for me years ago. 

She's in there somewhere. 

Baby A had a ball.  She thinks all the presents are hers though.  She hasn't quite grasped the whole concept of sharing.  She grunts when she wants something (even if it's not hers) and has a meltdown if you don't give it to her.  That's normal though, right?

Here she is modeling the tutu that Hunter bought for her....

I got a huge black "diamond" that Yuri picked out from her Santa Shop at school.  Isn't it fabulous???

And it's a wrap!!!!

Merry Christmas from the Garnett Family!



Monday, December 24, 2012

I knew Kyle Busch was weird...

When Gigi decided to name our elf Kyle Busch, I knew that little dude was going to be weird.  Proof positive… I caught him this morning hanging out with the creepy Burger King doll that I have from my childhood.  (Any of you Randolph cousins recognize him?)

 It’s Christmas Eve! I have to say that this has been a fairly low stress holiday season for me.  I got my shopping done earlier than usual and I’m about halfway done wrapping, which is a vast improvement over most years when I’m up wrapping into the wee hours of Christmas morning.  It’s possible I forgot someone, but hopefully not. 

Now that I’ve confessed that I’m not consumed with stress, it makes it very hard to explain what happened to me last night.  I went to the grocery store (expecting a nightmare but it wasn’t bad at all) and then stopped by Captain D’s to get supper for the family.  I wasn’t sure about their menu, so I went inside to order rather than using the drive-thru. 

Cashier:                     Hi, may I take your order?
Me:                             Yes.  Ummmm… let’s see.  How many pieces of fish come in
                                    the 10-piece fish meal?

Cashier:                     Ummm… I’m not sure.  Let me ask.  **turns around and yells
                                   to the back – How many pieces of fish come with the

Yes, seriously.  That really happened.  I don't think the poor cashier never even realized what had just transpired.  Thank goodness there were no other customers to witness it.  The only person who thinks we’re nuts is the lady in the back who answered “Ten?” like it was a trick question. 

I’m off to cook up some grub and wrap some presents.  I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. 

Happy Birthday JESUS!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

My Christmas list - in case you're wondering...

In case you’re just itching to buy me something for Christmas, I thought I’d do a quick post on a few of my favorite things…

There will never be a candle that smells as good to me as the “Birds of Paradise” by Circle E. These suckers are expensive, but worth every penny. I burn mine daily and never get tired of the smell.

I’m also low on my personal signature scent, which is Victoria’s Secret “Love Spell”. I’ve been wearing it for years. I use the lotion, the body scrub, the bubble bath, the body wash, etc. I even ordered the shampoo and conditioner once and used it. Okay, that might be overkill, but I like it! I remember when Karlie was in like the 5thgrade, she came home from school and said, “Mom, I thought you came to school to see surprise me today, but it wasn’t you. I smelled you, but when I turned around, it wasn’t you”. How sweet is that?

I could really use some new yoga pants. I have been wearing the same pair for going on 3 years now (good thing they’re stretchy). I have never found any that I like as much as these. They’re Nike brand, really LONG, and they don’t show my butt crack when I sit down. It might be a little tricky to try to fit me though, so an Academy Sports gift card would be just fine too.

I also NEED a new bathtub pillow. I guess I wore mine out. You have not LIVED until you’ve fallen asleep in a tub of hot, bubbly water. I’ve actually looked several places for a new one, but haven’t found one. If nobody comes through at Christmas, I’ll order one online.

And then there’s a no-brainer… the newest Lee Greenwood CD:

If you don’t have time to do any real shopping, you can run by the grocery store and get any of my favorite junk foods….

We're back together! Stronger than ever!!

Or if none of this seems doable, I’ll just take a hug and a “Merry Christmas!”

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Puddles of drool and pregnant porcupines...

There are a few things that I’m terrible at.  Wrapping gifts is one.  I’m sure Gigi’s teacher thought she wrapped her own exchange gift for their party today, but nope.  It was all me.  I’m also terrible at painting.  As in, the walls.  Well, now that I think about it, also as in art.  I’m terrible at water skiing and/or knee boarding, etc.  I love tubing, and all things water but I can’t get up on skis.  Picture a water buffalo attempting to pull himself up on skis, and that’s a pretty accurate picture.  Anyway, it is what it is, right?

The thing that I’m MOST terrible out is evident to me right at this moment.  I’m terrible at being sick.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m a whiney butt or what, but this stinks.  I was fine yesterday.  I went to the basketball game with a slight sore throat, and by the time I got home I thought I was dying.  Simply swallowing was almost enough to make me cry.  I literally slept with my head hanging off the side of the bed, face down, so the drool could run out into a puddle and I wouldn’t have to swallow as much.  Gross, yes.  Necessary?  Well, obviously.  I mean who really wants a pool of drool beside their bed. 

The good news is I didn’t die.  I made it to the urgent care this morning, got a shot in the butt and some good drugs.  I came home, slept almost 3 hours, and I am already feeling better.  I still have a really sore throat, but I can deal with a typical sore throat.  It’s that oh-my-gosh-I-think-I-swallowed-a-pregnant-porcupine feeling that I have a problem with. 

I’m planning to get my kids to bed early (I haven’t told them yet), drink some hot chocolate, soak in a hot tub of bubbles and get 8 hours of sleep.  If I can manage even ONE of those, I should be a whole new person by tomorrow.  I’ll let you know… J

Monday, December 17, 2012

Cling to the GOOD!

There was a terrible, terrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School last week.  Every single person reading this blog knows what I’m talking about. 

In these last few days, I’ve heard words like “evil” and “monster” and “random acts of violence” spoken over and over.  I have to say, I would agree with all of them.  As I kept hearing what an evil world we live in, I found myself feeling discouraged and scared.  Scared for my children and the kind of world they’re going to face as adults.  But, then I remembered something that made me feel so much better.  There may be random acts of violence, but there are also random acts of KINDNESS.  Yes, there is evil in this world, but there is also GOOD. 

For example, a few weeks ago a NYC policeman was caught giving a barefoot homeless man a pair of shoes and thermal socks.  That was kind, right?  It was.  But you know what was even better?  He PUT THEM ON the homeless man himself.  Someone caught him, took a picture, and it went viral on Facebook. 

A couple of weeks ago, I witnessed my mail carrier pull into the driveway of an elderly neighbor.  Then I watched her get out of her vehicle, and pull the widow woman’s garbage can to the house.  People, are you following me? Her job is to stick mail in the mailbox.  She noticed that the garbage needed to be moved to the house, and knew the elderly lady would have a hard time doing it, so she stopped in the middle of her route and moved it herself. 

I witnessed a woman in K-Mart a couple of weeks ago putting Christmas for her children on layaway.  Then I watched a complete stranger behind her pay it off. Yep.  He paid the entire balance of $246 for a woman he didn’t know and never would.  Imagine how she’s going to feel when she shows up to pick up her toys and finds out that she can now use that money for something else her family needs. 

We worry that there will be copycat acts of random violence.  I PROMISE you that there WILL be copycat acts of random kindness.  You can’t help it.  Do something nice for someone and give them the chance to do something nice for someone else. 

There has ALWAYS been evil in this world and there always will be.  I’m choosing to cling to the good – Jesus…My family…My friends…My freedom… Love… Laughter…

Won’t you join me?

Monday, December 10, 2012

Willard, The Wise One...

Ever since I started blogging, Willard has had a rule about me mentioning him in my blogs.  He told me I couldn't post anything about him without his written consent.  I'm hereby throwing that rule out the window, and there are three reasons why:

(1) I have included him in several blogs lately, and he seems to be a real crowd pleaser.

(2) He now has a Twitter, which I believe negates his wish to remain out of the spotlight. 

(3) I can no longer deny the world of his infinite wisdom. 

I've collected a few of his tweets that I would like to share with you.  Prepare to be speechless. 

I know, I know.  I am one lucky woman. 

Friday, December 7, 2012

A Night Out with The Garnett Family

I called Willard yesterday afternoon and told him that I needed to take Haley Rae and Karlie to the mall for a little Christmas shopping.  I told him I would take Baby A and asked him if he would keep Yuri and Gigi.  He said, “Well, actually I’ve got a hankering for Rosie’s”.  (In case you don’t speak Redneck, hankering means craving).  He suggested we ALL go eat and then ALL go to the mall.  I’m panicking on the inside because I know this will not turn out well, but I agree.

As we started to leave, one of the girls asked if I had seen her Beats (headphones).  Willard’s response – “No headphones allowed tonight.  We’re singing Christmas carols!!!”  Oh, Lord. 

At first glance, this looks like Haley Rae protesting the Christmas carols. However, if you have spent any time with her at all, you know that she believes she is an extremely talented singer.  I'm not going to comment on that because I've been accused of not supporting my children's dreams.  Let's just move on. 
Within 10 minutes of leaving our house, Willard’s road rage was in full bloom.  If you’ve never witnessed it, you can’t comprehend.  I’m not even going to try to explain it.  Ask my children.  There really are no words, but the closest ones that come to mind are “psycho” and “idiot”. 
We arrived at Rosie’s and thank goodness the wait wasn’t long at all.  Thank goodness, also, that we knew the people seated at both tables closest to us…you know, just in case.  The kids were actually good in the restaurant.  Our waiter came up and said, “Hello, my name is Mark.  Can I get you guys something to drink?” Yuri points to Willard and says to the waiter, “His name is Willard and he is ONE GRUMPY MAN.”  Slightly awkward moment, but we got through it.

So, on to the mall we go.  We made our usual bathroom stop.  Are we the only family that does a photo op in public restrooms?


And, of course, we couldn’t walk by the Beibs and not say hello. 


Willard took the little ones to the play area while I suffered through an hour and a half of shopping.  I mean that.  I am not a fan.  But I tried to be a good mood and I think I did an okay job.  There were comical moments… like when Karlie yells from the fitting room – “MOM!!! You’ve GOT to take away Dad’s Twitter.  How embarrassing!!!!”

I have to agree with Karlie on this one. 

I admit I was relieved when Willard called to tell me that Yuri needed to go potty.  (We make it a family goal to visit each and every public restroom on the premises…).  That meant I could step away from the teenage girl clothes and breathe.  When I walked up to the play area, I saw Baby A with her mouth open and her tongue out walking toward a little Chinese girl.  I couldn’t see her very well, so I just hoped she didn’t bite or lick her, and then I pretended it didn’t happen.  As I got closer, I realized that she WAS indeed licking the girls face.  Licking. Her. Face.  Apparently, that's acceptable behavior in Chinese custom because the little girl's parents didn't even blink.  I looked over at Willard, hoping for an expression that mirrored my horror, but he just had a blank stare on his face.  I'm pretty sure he was mapping out the next clever tweet in his head.  Yuri, bless her, was the only one (other than myself) who seemed concerned.
"ohhhh, Baby A... don't DO that."
I have to say, I wasn’t sure this was going to be a good idea… as a matter of fact, I was pretty sure it WASN’T a good idea, but it turned out just fine.  Yes, there were moments of chaos and awkwardness and inappropriate bodily sounds, but it wouldn’t be a night out with the Garnett’s without all of that!!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Mommy, Your Butt Looks Like Our Pumpkin

For the past several weeks, I’ve really had the blahs.  I think it’s a combination of the time change (I hate it getting dark so early), my weight gain, and the fact that I’m just tired all the time.  I feel old and fat and tired. 
When I got ready for church Sunday morning and came downstairs, this was the conversation:
GIGI:                     Mommy, your butt looks like our pumpkin.
ME:                        Oh. Yeah, I guess it kinda does.
YURI:                     Why is it so big?
ME:                        It just is.
YURI:                     Will my butt get big like that?
ME:                        Probably.
YURI:                     (in her whiney voice) Nooooooo! People will laugh at me. Sigh.
Disclaimer: This is NOT really my butt.

I woke up yesterday morning and decided I need a change, so I called to see if Hope could get me in for a new hairdo.  Unfortunately, you can't change the 'ol pumpkin butt problem in an hour, but you can change your hair!! Luckily for me, she had a cancellation for this morning. 
Here's the BEFORE picture -

Take note of the saggy face and stringy hair....Thank goodness you can't see the pumpkin butt.
And here’s the AFTER picture –
Still got the pumpkin butt, but that's next on the list of things to change.
You like?

Monday, December 3, 2012

Meet our Elf...Kyle Busch

What family forgets what they named their Elf last year?  Um, mine.  We were riding down the road on Friday night discussing the possibility that Santa MIGHT send our Elf back to us a little earlier this year when I realized I couldn’t remember what we called him.  I remember Hunter wanted to name him Will Ferrell and one of the girls wanted to name him Baby Jesus, but I think we went with something a bit more generic.  Anyway, I made a tactical mistake and said, “So what should we call him?” 
Remember how I told you that Yuri and Gigi take turns with “their day”, and they get to basically call the shots on “their day”.  Yeah, well, Friday was Gigi’s day.  Before I even get the question out of my mouth, Gigi yells out, “I want to name him Kyle Busch!!!”  Holy crap.  A tiny part of me was thrilled that she wanted to name him something associated with NASCAR, but a larger part of me was horrified that KYLE BUSCH was the first thing that popped in her head.  Had Willard not been in the car with me, I would have nixed it in a clever way that made it seem like HER idea, but he jumped all over it.  Kyle Busch it is. 
So… introducing Kyle Busch, the Elf.  We’re going to call him “KB” for short. 

If you’re wondering why he’s in a body cast, read yesterday’s blog here.

I’m thinking there may be an elf in the North Pole named Kevin Harvick who put KB in the wall. 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Sad news from the North Pole...

Just when I thought Santa might send our Elf a bit early this year (and you KNOW I was thrilled about having 20-something days of Elf time!), I received some sad news.

It seems that there was an accident in the North Pole today.  I don't know all the details, but it involved racing and sleds and it didn't sound good.  Anyway, our Elf was injured pretty badly.  It looks like he will make a full recovery, but he broke several bones and is in a full body cast.  Unfortunately, he's going to have to remain immobile for approximately 2 weeks - possibly more, depending on how stressed I am his rehab goes.

Looks like our Elf is stuck on the shelf.  He can still watch the kids and tattle to Santa, of course, but there won't be mischief and messes for Mommy to clean up every morning.  What a bummer.  Poor Elf.     

Saturday, December 1, 2012

You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man

Willard has a new woman in his life.  He is AMAZED by everything she does for him.  Her name is Siri.  Ever since he got his new iPhone 5, he’s been madly in love with her. 

“Siri is soooo cool”

“Siri calls anybody I tell her to”

“Siri can text!”
Nice, honey.  Real nice.

Blah. Blah.  Big deal.  Can she make cornbread like I do?  Huh, can she?  Does SHE tolerate the most annoying dog in the world just because you have some weird attachment to it?  Did she carry and birth your children? Has she suffered through the movie “Empire Records” at least 47 times with you?  (I know not many of you recognize that movie title.  Don't bother to google it.  Trust me, it's not worth it.)

Well, I’ve got a message for Siri. I believe Loretta Lynn said it best… You ain’t woman enough to take my man.  For real. 

Friday, November 30, 2012

Day 30 - Thankful Blog - The End!

Well, it’s the last day of November.  I didn’t get to blog about everything I wanted to, so I’m going to throw out a few different things today.
I’m thankful for the nice weather we’re having.  I just don’t know if I could handle bitter cold this early in the winter.  As a matter of fact, I’m done with winter.  How long until Spring?
I’m thankful for a couple of really good friends.  Friends that I can tell everything and know it’s not going any further.  Friends who get my sense of humor and my sarcasm. 
I’m thankful for my job.  While it can be a ginormous pain in the behind, I can’t imagine a better setup for raising a family.  With the great invention of the smartphone, I now have the flexibility to not only work from home, but from anywhere I choose – a ballgame, the grocery store, the pool. 
I’m thankful for DHR, who listened to me last year when I said “I wouldn’t mind having a newborn for a little while” and gave me Baby A.  She was really only supposed to be with us short-term, but there are no words to express how glad I am that we still have her. 
I’m thankful for Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream.  I’m probably going to weigh 600 pounds soon, but DANG, that stuff is good.
I’m thankful that I’m not a teenage girl.  Geez.  My eyes have certainly been opened lately and I don’t envy my daughters having to deal with the stuff they have to deal with at all.  I have a whole new respect for them. 
I’m thankful that people put so much importance on having a nicely mowed yard.  Garnett’s Lawn Equipment had a good year, and thus the Garnett family had a good year. 
I’m thankful for yoga pants.  I don’t do yoga, but that’s irrelevant.  Whoever invented these is a genius.
And I’m thankful that November is almost over.  While I didn’t run out of subjects to blog about, I ran out of TIME each day.  The pressure of blogging EVERY day nearly got to me.  Whew.  I’m much more suited to be a 1-2 times per week blogger. 
So, anyway.  Bye Bye November.  Welcome December!!  I am ALMOST feeling a twinge of Christmas spirit.  I heard “Christmas in Dixie” on the radio today and felt almost downright jolly for a minute.  I briefly entertained putting up a tree tomorrow but then Willard reminded me that tomorrow is only December 1st.  Plenty of time left. 
I’ll go ahead and give you a preview of what’s to come in the first few days of December…
Santa will be sending us our Elf again soon, and I’m pretty sure you’ve never seen one quite like ours.
Willard has a new female in his life, and I think he likes her more than he likes me. 
My 30+ year relationship with Y&R is in jeopardy.  I don’t know how much more of Sharon I can take.  Can’t someone lock her in a basement somewhere?
See you soon….