The main source of my chaos...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I wish they made amnesia pills for kids...

I got just a tad irate with the officiating of the girls basketball game on Friday night.  If you were there, you may have noticed.  Yes, one of my New Year's resolutions from 2011 was not to yell at referees or umpires.  No, I don't have a child playing.  You're probably wondering why I get so upset when my kid isn't even out there.  Well, I've wondered that myself.  I don't have an answer.  

You may have also noticed that I was a perfect little quiet angel on Saturday night.  That’s because Yuri’s embarrassing and unflattering imitation of me was so disturbing that I may not ever be able to yell at a referee again. 

Her impression of me included stomping her feet, shaking her fists, and yelling… “Did your Mama drop you on your HEAD?!?!”  Seeing my 6-year-old impersonate me like that was just not a good feeling. 

So, I beg you, dear friends, slap me right up side the head if I get cranked up again.  And join me as I pray that Yuri doesn’t decide to share this performance with the social worker when she does our home visit on Thursday. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The best foot massage ever...until it wasn't

Gigi offered me a foot massage tonight.

GIGI:                     Mommy, do you want me and Yuri to rub your feet with lotion?

ME:                        THAT would be wonderful!

GIGI:                     Okay, you just sit back and “ba-lax.” 

A couple of minutes go by with them giving me quite a nice foot massage…

Then Yuri says, “I just love rubbing your legs.  They feel like I’m rubbing a fat, little puppy.”


Monday, January 21, 2013

My Life Flashed Before My Eyes

I was lucky enough to have four babies who slept like dreams.  Hunter slept. Haley Rae slept. Karlie slept.  Yuri slept.  Then came Gigi, who never slept.  In her defense, she couldn't breathe and she was nearly always on steroids.  But still, she didn't sleep.  Last January she got her tonsils out and it was like a miracle had occured.  She sleeps!

Baby A was a good tiny baby sleeper.  Then around the time Gigi got her tonsils out, Baby A got RSV and was pretty sick for several days.  That did it.  She got accustomed to me holding her while she slept, and she fell into a terrible routine of waking up every 2-3 hours.  Sigh.  So, for the next year, she (and thus me too) were in newborn mode.  It's just been in the last couple of months that she is FINALLY sleeping, but every little thing is a potential disruption.  You'd think she would be used to noise, but she's a very light sleeper.  Any amount of sugar or caffeine can disrupt her sleep for the night, or even a couple of nights.  Needless to say, I'm pretty freaky about what she eats or drinks, especially late in the day.

You've heard people talk about getting so scared they "saw their whole life flash before their eyes" or so scared that it took 10 years off their life?

Well, I can relate.  That very thing happened to me Saturday when I was cleaning the kitchen and turned around to see this...

People, that's a Red Bull.  And that's my 15-month-old KILLING it. 

Luckily for Willard (who is the only person in our house who drinks Red Bull), I soon realized this was an empty can that he left by his recliner.

This picture, by the way, is a reenactment.  I'm embarrassed to say that when I first saw her with the can turned up, I lunged like I was saving her from the path of an oncoming train, and knocked it out of her hands.  She cried, but I think it was more from being scared than being hurt.  Serves her right. I guarantee she wasn't NEARLY as scared as I was.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Irritable or Justified?

My family thinks I'm irritable.  Let's be honest here, nobody is all smiley and happy EVERY SINGLE DAY.  We all have days when we're maybe a tad bit grumpy.  Will some of you back me up when I say that just because I'm irritable, it doesn't mean I have hormone imbalance?? Even as young as Yuri and Gigi are, they will ask me if I missed a hormone pill.  That, by the way, irritates me more than I can say. If I’m irritable and you ask me how many pills I’ve missed, then I am going to assume your goal is to make me MORE irritable. 

Today, for example, things bothered me that I would normally just deal with.  Personally, I think I'm justified.

I accidentally bought Select-A-Size Bounty paper towels instead One Sheet Bounty.  That moment when I rip off a paper towel expecting it to be a full size and I get a KLEENEX size instead, gets under my skin like you cannot even imagine.  Some of you are thinking how weird I am right now, but I know there’s somebody out there who feels me.

We had a snow today.  A freaky, 2-inch snow that I quite honestly wasn’t expecting, but it was fun.  Until they all came in dumping wet clothes and wet boots all over the house!  I realize we don’t get snow very often, so I went with the flow.  No biggie. But then tonight, HOURS later, when I stepped in a cold puddle of water while wearing my SOCKS, I wanted to strangle the weatherman.  Yes, I am aware that the weatherman does not control the weather OR the puddles in my house, but I need a fall guy. 

And then, after I got the last small child asleep and tucked into bed, I went into the kitchen for a bedtime snack only to find that someone ate the last box of white fudge Oreos.  For a reason that I cannot explain, I took this as a personal slam against me.  That nobody took into consideration that I would probably love to have the last cookie.   

And finally, you all know about my love of Diet Sundrop.  My attempt to break off our relationship failed miserably.  We renewed our vows and nobody will come between us.   It irritates me when my family comments on my consumption.  It REALLY irritates me when a certain son of mine sends me videos like this…
He thinks I'm creepy.  Well, I think he's annoying.  

I'm gonna take my grumpy butt to bed.  Good night, y'all! 

Monday, January 14, 2013

My son thinks I'm creepy...

Hunter found out recently that he will be doing a summer internship in Memphis.  He’s terribly excited about this, but I am having a wee bit of anxiety.  Isn’t there a lot of crime in Memphis?  And it’s further away than I really wanted him to be all summer. 

Anyway, he’s moving to a city where he knows no one, and I had a great idea to help him out.

I sent him a text message last night –

ME:                Hey, there’s a girl that recently graduated from Alabama and is now working in Memphis for the Grizzlies.  You should look her up and get her to show you the ropes around town.  She’s very pretty.  I think she was 1st runner up in Miss Alabama this year.

HUNTER:      Okay, sounds good.  How do you know her?

ME:                Oh, I don’t.  She was on a dating reality show that I watched and I just thought she seemed nice.

HUNTER:      Mom.  You’re creepy.


Am I? Am I creepy? I thought I was just looking out for my son who is moving to a new town.  Now I’m worried that I really AM creepy.  I’m not asking if I’m NORMAL.  I know I’m not normal.  Duh.  Who wants to be normal.  But I don’t want to be CREEPY. 


Let’s just say that for some reason it is determined that I really am creepy.  How does one go about get uncreepified?

Gosh, this is so stressful…

Friday, January 11, 2013

A night with my future son-in-law

I wasn’t going to blog about our mother/daughter night out for the Scotty McCreery concert because I posted stuff all during the night on my Facebook page, and the majority of the people who read my blog already know the story.  I decided to blog because I’m sick of hearing Haley Rae whine about it.  She wants to “re-live” the night.  Oh my gosh. 

Let me back WAY up.  From the first moment Scotty walked in to audition for “American Idol”, Haley has been oddly mesmerized.  She called me a few months ago screaming hysterically in my ear about something… I could make out Scotty, front row, and something about getting married.  I finally I figured out that she had found front row tickets to the Huntsville concert and wanted me to pay a  billion dollars for them.  Her argument was “How are we supposed to get married if we never meet??”  Since I TOTALLY get that, I agreed to buy the tickets and let them be Christmas presents. 

Fast forward to December 13, 2012….

We got to the concert later than what we should have and the meet-n-greet was over.  I don’t know if you are aware, but I’m very gifted at meeting famous people.  I don’t know where is comes from.  Maybe I just have an honest and nonthreatening face?  Seriously.  Maybe I do! There was a mean security lady working who basically told us to give it up and go sit down.  Haha.  Silly lady.  A nicer security lady mentioned to Haley that Scotty’s dad was wandering around somewhere and he might be able to help.  When he walked by, I immediately recognized him from TV.  Haley asked him if she could meet Scotty.  He said, “No, I’m sorry.  The meet-n-greet was over about 45 minutes ago.  He’s doing a quick interview before he goes on to perform."  I spoke up and said, “Oh gosh, it’s ALL my fault.  We were supposed to be here but I ran late.  See, I have little ones at home and the baby has bronchitis… I did the best I could... I’m sorry, Haley Rae."  I’m not sure if she was serious or acting, but Haley turned on the water works at the perfect time.  She got teary and had the whole lip quiver thing going... I guess Mr. McCreery felt sorry for her.  He said, “How about I go back and get y’all some autographed pictures?”  I said, “That would be awesome.  Thank you so much.  I feel terrible that she didn’t get to meet him.  She’s never going to forgive me."

A couple of minutes pass….

The backstage door opens, and Mr. McCreery motions for me, Haley Rae, and Karlie to come back.  We walk through the door and wah lah…. There’s Scotty.

Scotty and his future wife?  She thinks so...

Scotty and Karlie - perhaps she'll be the Maid of Honor?

I scraped my girls off the ceiling and we went to our seats.

Haley had made a sign that said – I’m Haley Rae and it’s my birthday!  Sing to me?

Well, first of all, it WASN’T her birthday, but it worked.  The highlight of the night (for me) was hearing that deep voice of his say “Happy Birthday, Haley Rae”. 

My girls stood at the stage all night, singing and enjoying the concert.  I stood behind them – singing, enjoying the concert… and taking pictures of them having the time of their lives. 

The picture is too blurry, but if you look closely, maybe you can see the sparks flying between them?
So, thank you, Scotty McCreery for an awesome show.  And thank you, Mr. McCreery, for helping make it a night that my girls will never forget.  See you at the wedding!

Monday, January 7, 2013

Willard and Bama games...

Something happens to my husband during Alabama football games.  His basically (somewhat) normal self turns into a screaming, stomping maniac.  He refuses to watch the game anywhere except our house, and we never invite people over to watch games with us.  He says it’s because he doesn’t want any distractions.  I say it’s because of his behavior. 

I bought in some witnesses.  I’ll let you be the judge.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Things you will never hear me say...

“Pass me the ketchup.”

If you’ve following my blog since the beginning, then you know I loathe ketchup.  It grosses me out to even type the word.

“Wow! I feel great. I just ran 5 miles.”

As previously discussed, I’m not a runner.  If, by some miracle, I become one, I can almost promise you I won’t feel great afterwards.  I may feel great after I remove the oxygen mask, but I doubt it. 

“My kids have a ballgame tonight, but I’m not going.”

I don’t care if I’m tired, if my house is dirty, if there’s a door buster sale at Belk’s.  Short of typhoid fever, I’m not missing anything my kids are participating in. 

“Oh, yay!  “How It’s Made” is on!“

I find this show so boring and Willard loves it.  I mean, do we really need to know how breath mints are made?  I’m thankful for them and all, but I honestly don’t care.

 “I think we’re going to skip Bristol this year.”

I actually AM probably going to miss the fall race this year, but only because Marla’s baby is due at the SAME time.  As much as I love NASCAR, I can’t risk missing the birth of what could be my last niece or nephew.  I am a little ticked at the timing though!

“It’s 28 degrees outside.  I love this weather.  I wish it would stay cold year round!”


“I don’t really feel like taking a beach trip this year.”

Even more ridiculous.

“I love Walmart.”

If I ever say this, please know that aliens have overtaken my body.    
“I wish we had just ONE more baby.”

Okay, I’m lying.  You could possibly catch me at a moment of weakness and really hear me say this.  Don’t judge me.  And don’t tell my mom.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Best New Year's Resolution EVER!

When I picked up Gigi from school, she wanted to know why I had several boxes of Crystal Light in the grocery bag.  I don’t allow them to drink soft drinks (except the occasional Sprite in a restaurant) but she knows all I drink is Diet Sundrop.  Yes, I know that’s kinda hypocritical, but it is what it is.  Do as I say, not as I do and all that…

Anyway, I told her that my New Year’s Resolution was to drink more water.  Which led to in depth conversation and questions about what a “reza-woo-shun” is.  In a nutshell, I told her that it’s when people make a promise to try to do something that will make their life better.   Without missing a beat, she says, “Oh, then, my reza-woo-shun is to kiss my Mommy every day”.  Be still my heart.  Couldn’t you just eat her up?

Then, there’s a slight pause…. “And to drink more Mountain Dew!!!”

And, because she’s so precious and I’m such a sap, she gets to eat cheese balls and a lollipop for lunch.  Minus the Mountain Dew!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Busy weekend!

We had a New Year’s weekend that was packed with activity. 

On Saturday, my side of the family got together at the ice skating rink to celebrate Carson’s 9th birthday.  This will be Carson’s last birthday as the baby of the family, as I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Marla is pregnant.  I will be an aunt again sometime in late August and I AM SO EXCITED.  Baby A will have a cousin to play with!
They were being goofy but had fun
Hunter thought he was an Olympian in training...
Cute girls with zombie eyes
Well, that's attractive...

Braden, Yuri, and Karlie

And then on Sunday evening, Willard suggested we go to a movie.  A LATE movie.  I was nervous about it because I’ve never been able to stay awake during a late movie.  Even when I was younger and got plenty of sleep – my body just shuts down around 10:00.  Well, I can honestly say I didn’t get sleepy at all.  It’s likely because of the creepy guy in the theater with us.  There were a total of 5 people seeing this movie.  Me, Willard, a mother, her teenage son, and creepy guy.  Me and Willard sat dead center back row.  Mother and son sat over on the side section to our right.  Creepy guy sat in about 7 different seats before deciding on the seat TWO SEATS AWAY FROM ME.  That’s when I noticed it.  The loudest, most distracting breathing I’ve ever heard.  Dude definitely forgot his CPAP.  So, between his general creepiness and his Darth Vader-like sounds, there was no chance I was getting sleepy.  Every time he leaned down to tie his shoes (which was every 2 or 3 minutes) or took his jacket off or put it back on (which was at least a dozen times), I envisioned him pulling out a weapon.  My imagination was in overdrive, which at least kept me wide awake!
The movie was pretty good.  We saw “Jack Reacher”, starring Tom Cruise.  I’m not a big Tom fan, but he was able to channel his cocky-little-peckerhead persona into this role and it was pretty believable.  Not the best movie I’ve ever seen, but not the worst either. 
On New Year’s Eve, we had our family Christmas with Willard’s family.  These family gatherings are always packed full of noise, laughter, good food, and hours of Rook. 
The men folk cooked about 450 pieces of fish for us, and it was yummy!
A few things never change -  
Willard can usually be overhead offering someone a ridiculous amount of money to jump in the pool naked. 
Everybody talks at the same time and nobody listens to the Dirty Santa rules, and thus the rules get argued over and changed mid game.
Joseph and I eat enough fish to kill a walrus. 
One thing different this year – Lanett brought a TASER as their Dirty Santa gift.  Imagine a TASER in the hands of Willard or Marty.  Scary, huh?  I had to rule with the iron fist and stop all the fun before it even started. 
Baby Olivia made her debut looking all adorable and happy!

And, as I warned on Facebook, I brought some really crappy Dirty Santa gifts.
The Tennessee Santa Hat started showing up at our Christmases a few years ago.  The lucky owner for 2013 was Jason.
Roll Tide and Happy New Year!