5 going on 15...

I have a little girl who is 5 years old, going on 15.  I don't know what to do with her.  If you've been to a Danville basketball game this year, you've no doubt seen her dance moves.  She's going to feel really guilty when her daddy's death certificate says "cause of death: heart failure due to 5-year-old's inappropriate dance moves".  She's definitely got the moves.  I've already suggested "Brown Sugar" as a her stripper name.



She has had a crush on boy who fished with her last summer.  Anytime she talks about him, she refers to him as "my big boyfriend".  He was at Haley's basketball game last week and Yuri was convinced he came to see her. 

YURI:  Mom, I need your number.
ME:      What number?
YURI:  (huffy breath) Your CELL PHONE number.
ME:      Why?
YURI:  I need to give it to Zack so he can text me next time he's coming to a game. 

Did I mention that Zack is 18 years old???

And it annoys me that she calls me "Mom".  My older kids were at least 10 or 12 years old before I became Mom.  If I correct her, she rolls her eyes and goes, "okayyyy, MOM!".  I know she really wants to add in "Chill...!" but she is afraid that I will freak out and my head will spin around on my shoulders. 

Yesterday afternoon when I picked her up at pre-school, I told her that Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease was going around and she needed to absolutely NOT kiss Bryce (her "little boyfriend").  She gets this really wide-eyed, guilty look on her face and goes, "um, ok".  I said "have you kissed him???"  She says "um, yeah"  She starts counting out loud and says "like 29 times".  (Instead of freaking out because my 5-year-old is really kissing boys, in my warped, NASCAR-crazed mind, I'm hoping that because she says "29", it means Kevin Harvick is going to win the Daytona 500)  #badmomaward #butgo29!

I'm going to blame the teenage sisters for all these drama moments that we're having about 10 years early.  I swear some of the things that come out of Yuri's mouth sound EXACTLY like something Haley Rae or Karlie would tweet.  After Yuri got in trouble for smarting off (I know, hard to imagine, right?!?), she pouted for a while and then says, "My day has been HORRIBLE.  My whole life is just HORRIBLE".  Seriously??  I'm surprised she didn't ask for a cool cloth for her forehead. 

Look at that sweet face.  Can you tell she's so stubborn that she spend 20 minutes sitting on her bed in time-out last week because she wouldn't say "Yes ma'am". 

Lord have mercy.  I have a feeling the worst is yet to come, and quite honestly, I'm not sure I'm ready for it.  Do boarding schools take 5-year-olds?